Innerspace

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Martin Short, and Meg Ryan

Innerspace while old –released in 1987– is one of the better movies i have seen all year. Both my parents, bless their hearts, wanted to see a movie last night and suggested we rent one from the blockbuster on the corner.

They wanted to rent Innerspace. When i asked what it was about they said it was a great comedy where Dennis Quaid is in Martin Short’s body.

Well… that definitely confused and repulsed me momentarily, but after making a crude joke about their choice of words they gave me a more in depth summary of the movie.

“Dennis Quaid is part of secret government operation regarding miniaturization” they said “and he gets injected into Martin Shorts body when the government operation is attacked.” I replied, ” Oh that explains everything.” And was then forced by my slave-masters — A.K.A parents — into going and renting the movie.

All in all i did really enjoy watching it. Innerspace utilized a lot of slapstick and uncomfortable situations not seen in modern comedies, and i must say i enjoyed the old comedy methods better than the new.

I highly recommend watching this movie to anyone that wants to laugh and be consistently amused for a good hour and a half.

Rating: $10 out of $12

Inglorious Bastards

Starring: Brad Pitt and many many more

Inglorious Bastards was a masterpiece by Quentin Tarantino that reminded me vaguely of The Godfather at moments throughout the movie.

The movie depicted a what-if scenario where Hitler and the other leaders of the Nazis were killed early on in the war. While not exactly a comedy the movie made me laugh more than some “comedy” movies of the summer — like Funny People. Brad Pitt amongst others provided a certain angst to lines and situations that were amusing and provoked chuckles and laughs out of me.

The movie also was very serious at points with long silence points interrupting conversations with symbols lying everywhere for the viewer to understand. In my memory of The Godfather there were periods of almost silent conversation with quick violent bursts of violence and gore interspersed throughout.

Inglorious Bastards captured this technique masterfully. At various points in the movie — most memorably the bar scene — there were long drawn out situation that built up tension and the mystique of the situation until finally… everyone was dead. People were gored, butchered, and disgustingly tortured brutally and visually without any kind of sensor-ship for Tarantino.

Truthfully amazing. I am not squeamish, but i do wonder how some people might handle seeing this movie. But then again if one can handle the horse head in The Godfather then one can handle the scalping and bloody shooting of Inglorious Bastards.

Rating: $11.50 out of $12

Funny People Was Not Funny

Starring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogan, and Leslie Mann

Funny People should have been titled Sad People with a hint of funny.Yes there were a few jokes that made me laugh, but for the most part i was depressed while watching an annoyingly long supposed-to-be-comedy movie.

Most of the script was chuckle material. Not full-blown laughter, but the feeling of the movie even prohibited from my chuckles from roaming free from my mouth. For the most part i was silent and wondering when the movie was going to end.

Adam Sandler’s character was not funny. He was a sad heartless monster who also happened to be a home wrecker until he epically failed and got the crap beaten out of him.

Seth Rogan’s persona was a impoverished bad comedian living on his friend’s couch that had trouble even making a crowd laugh at a comedy bar.

Leslie Mann’s character was simply a bored housewife trying to spice up her life by cheating with an ex and she was not funny!

If you have seen Funny People you would see that it was a waste of money and I also would assume you are very frustrated right now thinking about the wasted money… so I will give you… the viewer something to relieve that stress.

Doesn't it feel good!?

Rating: $5 out of $12

Julie & Julia… Was Awesome!!!

Starring: Meryl Streep and Amy Adams

Julie & Julia rocked the house. Mostly because of Meryl Streep though. Where Amy Adams was good Meryl Streep was spectacular.

I being too young to have heard the voice of Julia Child myself did not know how spot on Streep’s voice was to Child’s unlike my Mother and Grandmother who both later told me they were amazed on how much Streep sounded like Child. Almost identical.

Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci’s charisma enraptured the viewer making one believe they were actually married AND deeply in love with each other.

On the other hand Amy Adams and Chris Messina did not capture my interest and I would have enjoyed the movie just as much if it were just about Julia!

Streep and Tucci made me laugh and brought out emotions in support of Julia — it also helps if you know she succeeds! While Adams and Messina’s scenes had me wanting to press fast-forward –like when being nagged — to get back to Streep and Tucci’s scenes.

I would like to rate this movie three different ways. First, the Julia Child part only. Second, Julie Powell’s part only and then both together. So…

Julia rating: $11 out of $12

Julie rating: $7 out of $12

Overall Rating: 9$ out of $12

Harry Potter: The Half-Blood Prince

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint

If there is such a thing as a bridge movie the sixth installment of the Harry Potter series would be the definition in the dictionary.

Like the sixth book, the newest Potter movie has mastered the art of a boring reenactment of teenage life. The gossip, to dating, and the heartbreak. Although unlike the book — which provided an awesome battle at the end — the movie decided to cut the best part of the whole book out!

What should have been at least a ten minute bonanza of extraordinary fighting turned into two or three spells! I was outraged when the truth was revealed to the audience that there would be no fight!

Also,  a fellow viewer enlightened me on the fact that much in the movie was switched from the book, and although i realize that is commonplace in Hollywood i still was upset. Perhaps if they had been more true to the book I still would have gotten my battle royale.

As the movie goes it was not bad. Just disappointing and slightly corny — remember the end when Dumbledore dies causing a massive raising of the wands?

Rating: $7 out of $12

Bruno. Eh… What Can I Say?

Bruno, starring Sasha Baron Cohen was not funny. It was shocking like Borat, yes. But it was not as funny or original. Like Borat there was the expected showing of male genitalia, but it was overdone in Bruno.

I know that the main character,  Bruno, is gay and that does give some warning as to the penis we will see, but i feel scarred. I would estimate 10 or 20 minutes of the 1 hour 30 minutes movie was an eyeful of penis.

While Borat was crude, Bruno was cruder and over-the-top. I –being a teenager and the primary audience– thought I would enjoy the movie. I was wrong.

Bruno was an unpleasant display of male nudity that went too far. Other jokes were made. And some were funny. I don’t want this to be perceived as an entirely negative review. I did laugh –hard– from time to time, but overall Bruno was a let down from the expectations that Borat provided viewers.

Once again… penis.

Rating: $6.50 out of $12

Ice Age: Dawn of the Failure

I thought my movie taste resembled that of a 10 year old. I thought correctly. Throughout the terror that was the 3rd –and hopefully last– Ice Age movie I counted around 11 outbursts of crying. 7 of the 11 came from 3 toddlers in the front whose parents REFUSED when asked to take them outside. Another 3 came from behind my seat. And last, the longest and most annoying came from the 10 year old seat 3 to my left.

I would estimate the child’s outburst lasted 15 minutes due to the fact that it ruined 2 scenes and part of a 3rd. Although I am confident that the tarnished scenes would have been acceptable to my heavenly teenage standards. Although I am not comparing myself to Jesus, the before mentioned scenes might have been respectable without whines for “MY CANDY!” His mother denied him his Buncha Crunch.

The movie starring the voices of Ray Romano, John Leguizamo, Denis Leary, and Queen Latifah was a bland showing compared to its previous counterparts. It lacked creativeness of any sort! I loved the 1st 2 movies, but I can comfortably say I detest this movie.

Normally I rate movies out of $12, but this movie was special. I went into this movie ANGRY! I thought that a 3D movie was the same price. Ignorant as I was, nothing angers me more than paying more than I want to. This movie will be rated out of $16.50! Not $12.

I have many complaints about 3D movies:

1) It gives me a headache

2) I became frustrated when my headache evolved into a migraine, I could not watch the movie without the 3D glasses –screen is blurry.

3) The 3D did not add ANYTHING to the movie!

Rating: $8 out of $16.50

Well…

Hm…

Sorry… Although i have seen movies since my last posting, it would appear that laziness has held me back from expressing my opinions on this wonderful blog site we call WORDPRESS. I would like to have you believe that I was focusing on finals, but honestly, since I haven’t blogged since around February, that would have to make finals a few months long. Not only would that be a nightmare, but it would be a lie. And while i did well on my finals –Whoo!– that should not have kept me from blogging.

The only consolation i can give you, my 10 beloved readers,  is that nothing good came out  in my period of laze. I can’t even recall one movie since February that i have seen, discounting this week. I am confident i have seen a few, but none were memorable, other than Star Trek.

While i do not consider myself a Star Trek geek i do enjoy the occasional movie starring Captain Kirk… And Captain Picard… AND Spock… AND THOSE BLOODY KLINGONS!!! Getting back to my point though, besides that (Star Trek), nothing is worth rememberance from the last few months of movies.

Is He Missing a Tooth?

Now- getting to an actual review. YES! The Hangover. The title should tell any moviegoer what it is about. A few guys get drunk, go party stay out do drugsgetmarriedin Vegasandwakeupinthe morningwithnomemories. As you can tell the movie was just as much a blur for me as for the protagonists of this  epic tale of drunkenness.

I have seen this brilliantly crafted movie twice. Once with friends and once with family, and i can comfortably tell you that watching the reactions of my parents was just as funny –if not more so– than the movie. Try it one day. Take your parents to a bluntly inappropriate movie and see what happens!

When I first gazed upon trailers for this movie, i admit i was not pleased, but i had a glimmer of hope that it would not be some stupid good-for-nothing movie with no plot. Want some examples? Okay! Superhero Movie, Epic Movie, Meet The Spartans, and every Scary Movie after the 3rd one are perfect examples of movies i dislike that were directed at my age group: teenagers.

The Hangover was nothing like its degenerate, delinquent siblings of the past. It was a well written mystery-comedy that left you wondering what was going to happen next.  I applaud the writers of The Hangover for their spectacular script and storyline. I have not seen a movie in years written that well… except for Forrest Gump. I watched that last week on HBO.

MOVING ON! TO TEENAGE HEAVEN… TRANSFORMERS 2

Shia LaBeouf Does Not Deserve Megan Fox nor the Cyborg Seductress

I have been told that there are many scathing reviews of my new favorite movie. I understand none of them. One such review claims that teenage boys are the only group of humans that would enjoy the movie. In the category of teenage boys there are sub-categories…

Teenage boys that like explosions.

BAM!

Teenage boys that like guns.

And teenage boys that want to have sex with Megan Fox.

DAMN!!!

The author of that review frogot one category. The teenage boys that want to have sex with the cyborg chick!

Ignore The Mule and Enjoy

While i fit into all of the previously mentioned categories, and that might make me biased, I must insist that other groups of people will enjoy this movie as well. Take the demographic of men above the age of 19, for example! While i do agree with other critics (such as Manohla Dargis) that this movie is obviously targeted at men, i do not see why all people can at least attempt to enjoy this movie. Certainly a world record explosion and the most money ever spent on special effects will earn my respect and loyalty to Michael Bay forever.

MY RATINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Star Trek: $11 out of $12 (Even though i can’t really remember much… it must have been good!)

The Hangover: $10.50 out of $12 (Well crafted and lough out loud funny)

Transformers 2: $10 of out $12 (Perfect in almost everyway. HA. Even my teenage boy –i mean MAN- mind found certain moments a bit corny and stupid)

Why I Love Godzilla

My love for Godzilla is a new fascination. My passion started at the young easily-scared age of 3. I recall many nights of nightmares that ensued in connection with these wonderful and corny movies, but I was not discouraged. I fought my fears night after night, looking forward to watching a new Godzilla movie from Blockbuster.

My Dad encouraged my nightly trips to horrorville, bringing a new movie every night. Godzilla vs. Mothra, Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla, and Godzilla vs. Gigan were only three of my favorite monster showdown bonanzas. Most likely I was obsessed with Godzilla because of the beastliness he represents. A fire breathing, tail whipping, claw slashing, and skyscraper tall reptilian dinosaur anomaly is enough to satisfy the masculine needs of any young boy or man.

Admittedly being introduced to Godzilla at the tender age of 3 was probably not the smartest parental move my parents ever made, but I enjoyed those movies to the bottom of my tiny 3 year old heart, and to defend my Mom… Godzilla was my Dad’s idea.

The International

Summary:

Two detectives try to uncover a series of illegal activities by a bank, called the IBBC. Their persistence to uncover the truth puts their own and other’s lives in danger, culminating in a very entertaining experience.

Rating:

$10 out of $12

Why?:

It was suspenseful. Great acting from Clive Owen and Naomi Watts, and the action sequence in the Guggenheim was ridiculous! Not only did Clive Owen take out multiple bad guys — heavily armed bad guys! He accomplishes this feat of herculean nature outnumbered, and also while carrying another character on his back. Also, the fountain of blood spurting from a very unfortunate NY policeman added to the dramatic tense experience, that was this brilliant movie. Probably the scene your mother would not approve of. The International received a $10 out of $12 because it accomplished the mission to entertain its viewers… especially me.