Star Trek: Generations

Starring: Patrick Stewart and William Shatner

Although I do not consider myself a Star Trek geek i do recognize good movies when I’ve seen them.

Star Trek: Generations is telling the story of the valiant Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the thought-to-be-dead Captain James T. Kirk who save the galaxy from a crazed man hell-bent on achieving entrance to the galactical anomaly, the nexus, even at the costs of countless innocent lives. The nexus being the paradise — the utopia — of any person caught in it.

Of course, my nexus would be if i were the ping-pong champion of the world, and everyday for breakfast I handily defeated a single opponent. Later, around lunch, i would take care of countless enemies. Smashing my balls into their body, finishing their careers with one swing of my might paddle. Only to later retire to the comforts of my cozy rustic-styled mansion.Outfitted with a jacuzzi, hot tub, pool, pool table, ping-pong table, couches, a kitchen, a grill, a tennis court, a basketball court, lamps, chandeliers, tables, chairs, televisions, xbox360, PS3, Wii, clocks, counters, shelves, cabinets, closets, mirrors, phones, candles, plates, forks, spoons, and knives, cups, pillows, throw pillows, blankets, towels, shampoo, soap, conditioner, books, floors, ceilings, and much… much more.

Although i am sure other people’s nexus’ might be more elaborate, but i would consider mine perfect.

In any case I am still ping-pong champion in real life, but without all of the perks in my nexus.

The movie, unlike my nexus was not perfect, but it was not bad. It had good acting, plot, and comedic value. Oh, and the awesome gadgets!

Rating: $9 out of $12

Balls of Fury

Starring: Dan Fogler, Christopher Walken, George Lopez, and Maggie Q

If their balls are furious then my balls are outright explosive!

In a movie all about balls there is also a constant theme of hard rods with a flared-out circle shape at the end. To my knowledge their are two ways to play ping-pong. My way… or the highway.

As the current CHAMPION of my family’s ping-pong invitational I acknowledge that i am the best, the greatest, and the most talented to ever set foot inside my house at the noble game of ping-pong.

I destroy by opponents with a controlled mixture of plutonium-enriched slams and spins taught to me by the most prestigious ping-pong masters in Asia I am unbeatable. It is highly unlikely that I will ever be beaten… EVER.

But, getting back to the movie. I must say that the first half is outrageously better than the second. I laughed multiple times at the slapstick humor Fogler brings to the table throughout the movie. To Walken’s credit though, he is easy to produce chuckles and laughter.

While the first half is a better movie, the second appeals to the non-moviegoer side of me. The ping-pong CHAMPION side. I am forced to appreciate the skills displayed in every match the characters play in. But i am unwilling to even think that any of the characters in the movie could beat ME.

Or MY explosive balls.

Rating: $7 out of $12

Innerspace

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Martin Short, and Meg Ryan

Innerspace while old –released in 1987– is one of the better movies i have seen all year. Both my parents, bless their hearts, wanted to see a movie last night and suggested we rent one from the blockbuster on the corner.

They wanted to rent Innerspace. When i asked what it was about they said it was a great comedy where Dennis Quaid is in Martin Short’s body.

Well… that definitely confused and repulsed me momentarily, but after making a crude joke about their choice of words they gave me a more in depth summary of the movie.

“Dennis Quaid is part of secret government operation regarding miniaturization” they said “and he gets injected into Martin Shorts body when the government operation is attacked.” I replied, ” Oh that explains everything.” And was then forced by my slave-masters — A.K.A parents — into going and renting the movie.

All in all i did really enjoy watching it. Innerspace utilized a lot of slapstick and uncomfortable situations not seen in modern comedies, and i must say i enjoyed the old comedy methods better than the new.

I highly recommend watching this movie to anyone that wants to laugh and be consistently amused for a good hour and a half.

Rating: $10 out of $12

Inglorious Bastards

Starring: Brad Pitt and many many more

Inglorious Bastards was a masterpiece by Quentin Tarantino that reminded me vaguely of The Godfather at moments throughout the movie.

The movie depicted a what-if scenario where Hitler and the other leaders of the Nazis were killed early on in the war. While not exactly a comedy the movie made me laugh more than some “comedy” movies of the summer — like Funny People. Brad Pitt amongst others provided a certain angst to lines and situations that were amusing and provoked chuckles and laughs out of me.

The movie also was very serious at points with long silence points interrupting conversations with symbols lying everywhere for the viewer to understand. In my memory of The Godfather there were periods of almost silent conversation with quick violent bursts of violence and gore interspersed throughout.

Inglorious Bastards captured this technique masterfully. At various points in the movie — most memorably the bar scene — there were long drawn out situation that built up tension and the mystique of the situation until finally… everyone was dead. People were gored, butchered, and disgustingly tortured brutally and visually without any kind of sensor-ship for Tarantino.

Truthfully amazing. I am not squeamish, but i do wonder how some people might handle seeing this movie. But then again if one can handle the horse head in The Godfather then one can handle the scalping and bloody shooting of Inglorious Bastards.

Rating: $11.50 out of $12

Funny People Was Not Funny

Starring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogan, and Leslie Mann

Funny People should have been titled Sad People with a hint of funny.Yes there were a few jokes that made me laugh, but for the most part i was depressed while watching an annoyingly long supposed-to-be-comedy movie.

Most of the script was chuckle material. Not full-blown laughter, but the feeling of the movie even prohibited from my chuckles from roaming free from my mouth. For the most part i was silent and wondering when the movie was going to end.

Adam Sandler’s character was not funny. He was a sad heartless monster who also happened to be a home wrecker until he epically failed and got the crap beaten out of him.

Seth Rogan’s persona was a impoverished bad comedian living on his friend’s couch that had trouble even making a crowd laugh at a comedy bar.

Leslie Mann’s character was simply a bored housewife trying to spice up her life by cheating with an ex and she was not funny!

If you have seen Funny People you would see that it was a waste of money and I also would assume you are very frustrated right now thinking about the wasted money… so I will give you… the viewer something to relieve that stress.

Doesn't it feel good!?

Rating: $5 out of $12

Julie & Julia… Was Awesome!!!

Starring: Meryl Streep and Amy Adams

Julie & Julia rocked the house. Mostly because of Meryl Streep though. Where Amy Adams was good Meryl Streep was spectacular.

I being too young to have heard the voice of Julia Child myself did not know how spot on Streep’s voice was to Child’s unlike my Mother and Grandmother who both later told me they were amazed on how much Streep sounded like Child. Almost identical.

Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci’s charisma enraptured the viewer making one believe they were actually married AND deeply in love with each other.

On the other hand Amy Adams and Chris Messina did not capture my interest and I would have enjoyed the movie just as much if it were just about Julia!

Streep and Tucci made me laugh and brought out emotions in support of Julia — it also helps if you know she succeeds! While Adams and Messina’s scenes had me wanting to press fast-forward –like when being nagged — to get back to Streep and Tucci’s scenes.

I would like to rate this movie three different ways. First, the Julia Child part only. Second, Julie Powell’s part only and then both together. So…

Julia rating: $11 out of $12

Julie rating: $7 out of $12

Overall Rating: 9$ out of $12

Harry Potter: The Half-Blood Prince

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint

If there is such a thing as a bridge movie the sixth installment of the Harry Potter series would be the definition in the dictionary.

Like the sixth book, the newest Potter movie has mastered the art of a boring reenactment of teenage life. The gossip, to dating, and the heartbreak. Although unlike the book — which provided an awesome battle at the end — the movie decided to cut the best part of the whole book out!

What should have been at least a ten minute bonanza of extraordinary fighting turned into two or three spells! I was outraged when the truth was revealed to the audience that there would be no fight!

Also,  a fellow viewer enlightened me on the fact that much in the movie was switched from the book, and although i realize that is commonplace in Hollywood i still was upset. Perhaps if they had been more true to the book I still would have gotten my battle royale.

As the movie goes it was not bad. Just disappointing and slightly corny — remember the end when Dumbledore dies causing a massive raising of the wands?

Rating: $7 out of $12