Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Starring: William Shatner and Ricardo Montalban

KAHN! KAHN!

If you know what I am talking about then I need not say more… except that revenge is a dish best served cold. KAHN! KAHN!

Rating: $8.50 out of $12

The Parent Trap: Before the Plummet

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Natasha Richardson, Elaine Hendrix, and Dos Lindsey Lohanes

The first time I saw The Parent Trap I was a young, curious, and quite a cute 10 year old. Or so my mom says. I was confused regarding how there were two identical gingers with different accents and hair cuts. Of course, I was enchanted by the British accent of one, and enthused at the tom boyishness of the other.

The second time I saw The Parent Trap I was a 15 year old teenager wondering how the cute little girl(s) had morphed into the sexy redhead in Mean Girls. The third time I saw The Parent Trap was last week and I thought how sad. Sad that Natasha Richardson was dead, and sad that the adorable little girl(s) was now a drug addict.

BUT getting back to the movie I must say that it is awesome. The Parent Trap is witty, well-acted, and cute. It has character, smarts, and spunk. Dennis Quaid is awkwardly funny, Elaine Hendrix (the girlfriend) is wickedly evil, and Natasha Richardson is just plain amazing.

Lindsey Lohan though, of course, makes the movie. Without her accents, likability, and shenanigans the movie would have been mediocre at best, and I am about 99.99% confident that only Lindsey could pull the role off. Unless of course Lindsey has a secret twin, and that makes it much easier! That would make things interesting. Maybe that’s why she is in rehab so often. One goes in and the other goes out!

Rating: $9 out of $12

I Want a Despicable Minion or 2 or 3 or a Bagillion! In 3D.

Starring the Voices of… Steve Carell, Jason Segel, and JULIE ANDREWS!!!

Despicable Me is now officially my favorite movie of 2010! Although How to Train Your Dragon was awesome, funny, and amazing, it twas the minions and the cute, funny, opinionated girls that overpowered the awesomeness of the dragons. In essence Despicable Me took the best movie trophy from DreamWorks Animation’s How to Train Your Dragon and brought it home to Illumination Entertainment.

I will now display examples of the minion’s amazingness.

And now an example of the cute awesomeness of Agnes (the youngest girl).Slightly altered to sound like a testosterone injected puffball of cuteness.

In Despicable Me the combination of strangeness (the minions) and normality (the girls) blends together to create splendid comedic gold. The plot moves quickly and, although the movie is almost 1hr 45min, it does not feel long because of the constant slapstick comedy of the minions. Adding to the plot are the obvious differences between the static and dynamic characters, a quality which most modern movies lack. The main character, Gru, obviously changes throughout the movie while the protagonist, Vector, remains unchanged throughout. It is disappointing to note though that the voice acting done by Carell, Segel, Queen Andrews, and many more funny/great actors did not really add anything to the movie. What made the movie were the minions and the voice acting done by the girls.

Also, from now on all toys will be known as papoys!

Rating: $16.50 out of $17.50

Who U Gonna Call? The Giant Marshmellow? NO! Ghostbusters!!!

Starring: Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, and Sigourney Weaver

In terms of some of the best, and most awesomest, movies ever Ghost Busters is one of the best movies ever. It is horribly embarrassing, amazingly corny, and ridiculously 80s… like mullets.

SPECTACULAR!!!

As we move on to the plot of this infamous cult movie I must say that it is 100% believable. Three men lose their job at the local university where they taught classes about the supernatural. They decide to open up a company that specializes in neutralizing ghostly unexplainable incidents.

Their first customer, Sigourney Weaver, reports odd activities going on in her kitchen as, in her case, exploding eggs are not normal. At first the Ghost Busters find nothing, but eventually they discover that Weaver’s building is magically charged. Soon things climax, and an evil demon is released atop the building where it transforms into a giant Stay Puft Marshmallow man and is then defeated by the Ghost Busters.

Throughout, slapstick and dry humor give life to the movie and the plot, although a bit stretched for a sci-fi movie, is believable because of the comic pills that accompany it.

Rating: $9 out of $12

It Can Only Be The Internet That Brings Us Together: You’ve Got Mail

Starring: Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan

Now a days even the humble tale of You’ve Got Mail seems old and out of date. As a teenager to me the computers and even the form of the chat-rooms used in the movie appear ancient… even though they were high-tech in 1998. Although, no matter how condescending I am  to the technology of late 20th century, my opinion will not stop the fact that You’ve Got Mail is one of the better chick flicks ever.

Tom Hanks in the movie is heir to the Barnes & Noble-like empire while Meg Ryan is the owner of a small local bookstore, and unknowingly they have been corresponding over the internet for months where they have fallen in love with each other. Eventually Tom Hanks runs Meg Ryan out of business and they learn that they have been talking over the internet, to their horror, for they are business rivals.

You’ve Got Mail is a wonderful movie that evokes laughter, affection, and frustration from the audience, and I found that it is one of the better chick-flicks I have ever seen.

Rating: $10.50 out of $12

Toy Story 3: Good, if not Great, Enough to Make A 22 Year Old Cry

Starring the Voices of… Tom Hanks and Tim Allen

Toy Story 3, a story about toys, follows a bunch of toys including Buzz, Woody, Jessie, and the Pizza Planet Aliens as they all deal with the knowledge that Andy (their owner) is leaving for college. As the movie progresses the toys believe that Andy does not want them anymore. They discover later that he still loves them. After their discovery the toys are led by Woody in an attempt to reunite with Andy before he leaves for college.

As a movie Toy Story 3 capitalized on many different things to bring out the movie’s full potential including emotional, comedic, and awesomeness value…

1) NOSTALGIA: Nostalgia is a powerful thing. It is a feeling that can keep people around, make people yearn for the past, and make people cry. In the case of the nostalgia that was forced upon viewers of Toy Story 3, it was my cousin who cried. I love my cousin and for someone of her advanced age, 22, I find her quite cool. HA, had to laugh there.

I understand her emotion though, and I will admit to choking up… until I saw my cousin crying because that was swiftly followed by me laughing. As a maturing homosapien I have begun to deal with the college process, breaking old bonds, and the plot of the movie definitely connected with me.

2) Inappropriate Jokes: The multitude of jokes not meant for children definitely made the movie funnier for adults, because they had no business in a children’s movie, and the fact that they were plain funny. What is better then a joke about Buzz’s Spanish mode? A question as to whether there are licking logs in the sandbox? Disgusting, yes, but funny.

3) Reemergence of The Claw: Nothing more needs to be written by me to explain the awesomeness of this movie then to tell you that the aliens use a gigantic crane-claw to save the rest of the toys. That is awesome!!!!!

Rating: $10 out of $12

One of my Sides is Blind… and I Like It!!!

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Tim McGraw, and Quinton Aaron

Is it not amazingly coincidental that in a movie that chronicles one person’s journey out of the bad and violent areas of Memphis, that at the viewing of this  movie a fight broke out between two obviously altered African-Americans? One was a woman fighting off a man. I guess they were on a date and he started going too far, but to say the least I found it somewhat ironic and very troubling.

Getting on to the actual movie though, it was insightful,

touching,

and outright bralick.

He's training for the great cheese raid of the Swiss Army base

The movie was vastly different to the stereotypical football movies. The Blindside focuses on the social and personal issues of Michael Oher on his journey from homeless orphan to the star-tackle of his graduating class.

Sandra Bullock’s performance was splendid, at first she appeared to be heartless, wealthy, and possibly racist, but as the movie progressed the viewer’s appreciation for her character grew exponentially as her true nature revealed itself. The husband, played by Tim McGraw, and the son provided well timed and needed comic relief.

Quinton Aaron’s portrayal of Michael Oher invokes  emotion, sympathy, and empathy towards his situation. The movie was well filmed, directed, and thought-up. Overall the movie is upbeat and a feel-good story.

Rating: $9 out of $12

District 9… More Like the District of Awesomeness!!!!!

Starring: Sharlto Copley, Jason Cope, and Nathalie Boltt

District 9 should be renamed “District Awesomeness”. Being one of the better movies I have seen in a while inspires me to describe this movie as best as possible.

Adjectives to Describe District 9: Awesome, ballin’, great, amazing, bad-ass, as good as Megan Fox is hot, as amazing as Lost is confusing, as brilliant as Bush is not, cool, hot, explosion-enhanced, steroid taking?, chocolate goodness or vanilla goodness (for the people who dislike chocolate), as mouth-watering as apple pie, etc.

District 9’s intermittent use of documentary-like film-work enhanced the experience making me feel as if the events of the movie possibly happened, and unlike Cloverfield (where the camera only gave headaches) District 9 mixed in normal camerawork with a bit of hand-held clips.

The acting too was a surprising addition to the movie. I was not expecting –in the slightest– any form of good acting, but Sharlto Colpey’s feel for the his character’s changing situation inflicted different feelings on me throughout the movie in the order of dislike, to sympathy, to at last support and hopes for his retribution.

The movie overall left me feeling content, hopeful for a sequel (or prequel), and mildly happy.

Although one should note that only 3 of the 6 peoples in my group enjoyed the movie, so results may vary.

Rating: $11 out of $12

Star Trek: Generations

Starring: Patrick Stewart and William Shatner

Although I do not consider myself a Star Trek geek i do recognize good movies when I’ve seen them.

Star Trek: Generations is telling the story of the valiant Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the thought-to-be-dead Captain James T. Kirk who save the galaxy from a crazed man hell-bent on achieving entrance to the galactical anomaly, the nexus, even at the costs of countless innocent lives. The nexus being the paradise — the utopia — of any person caught in it.

Of course, my nexus would be if i were the ping-pong champion of the world, and everyday for breakfast I handily defeated a single opponent. Later, around lunch, i would take care of countless enemies. Smashing my balls into their body, finishing their careers with one swing of my might paddle. Only to later retire to the comforts of my cozy rustic-styled mansion.Outfitted with a jacuzzi, hot tub, pool, pool table, ping-pong table, couches, a kitchen, a grill, a tennis court, a basketball court, lamps, chandeliers, tables, chairs, televisions, xbox360, PS3, Wii, clocks, counters, shelves, cabinets, closets, mirrors, phones, candles, plates, forks, spoons, and knives, cups, pillows, throw pillows, blankets, towels, shampoo, soap, conditioner, books, floors, ceilings, and much… much more.

Although i am sure other people’s nexus’ might be more elaborate, but i would consider mine perfect.

In any case I am still ping-pong champion in real life, but without all of the perks in my nexus.

The movie, unlike my nexus was not perfect, but it was not bad. It had good acting, plot, and comedic value. Oh, and the awesome gadgets!

Rating: $9 out of $12

Balls of Fury

Starring: Dan Fogler, Christopher Walken, George Lopez, and Maggie Q

If their balls are furious then my balls are outright explosive!

In a movie all about balls there is also a constant theme of hard rods with a flared-out circle shape at the end. To my knowledge their are two ways to play ping-pong. My way… or the highway.

As the current CHAMPION of my family’s ping-pong invitational I acknowledge that i am the best, the greatest, and the most talented to ever set foot inside my house at the noble game of ping-pong.

I destroy by opponents with a controlled mixture of plutonium-enriched slams and spins taught to me by the most prestigious ping-pong masters in Asia I am unbeatable. It is highly unlikely that I will ever be beaten… EVER.

But, getting back to the movie. I must say that the first half is outrageously better than the second. I laughed multiple times at the slapstick humor Fogler brings to the table throughout the movie. To Walken’s credit though, he is easy to produce chuckles and laughter.

While the first half is a better movie, the second appeals to the non-moviegoer side of me. The ping-pong CHAMPION side. I am forced to appreciate the skills displayed in every match the characters play in. But i am unwilling to even think that any of the characters in the movie could beat ME.

Or MY explosive balls.

Rating: $7 out of $12